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" When things are a disappointment, try not to be so discouraged. "

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" I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that. "

" Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. "

" Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. "

" It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers. "

" It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony. "

" My first book was an open letter to my three daughters. "

" I don't watch sitcoms. I really don't. My problem with them is they take so long to film them that there's no spontaneity. I want to see that. "

" I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy. "

" I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. "

" I'm so happy with what has happened in my life. "

" I think the reason I was successful is that I was never cynical. "

" You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has. "

" What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters. "

" I love audiences. "

" I've always been able to recount things, and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that. "

" Because nobody goes through life without a scar. "

" Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell. "

" I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. "

" We don't stop going to school when we graduate. "

" My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it's not a joke, but it's telling a story. "

" In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door. "

" I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking. "

" I eat very well, and I do Pilates. "

" My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen. "

" I was in California, and I was going to UCLA, and I knew I certainly didn't have movie star looks. I remember seeing pictures and photos of Ethel Merman and Mary Martin, who were kind of average looking. I said, 'Well, that's for me, then, to go back to New York and try to be in musical comedy on Broadway.' "

" I'm not a person who likes to confront. "

" But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. "

" Ask anyone who's successful how they got there, you're going to hear a different story. "

" Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant. "

" I am not a person who yells at all, but I realized that I have always felt so good after doing the Tarzan yell, after doing Charo, or screaming as Eunice. "