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" Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter. "

Carol Burnett

Laughter

Funny

Doing

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" What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters. "

Carol Burnett

Think

Write

" Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children. "

" Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. "

" Life is funny, and a lot of times, the people that I've met have really gone past anything that I've ever dreamed of, so I'm really grateful. My friendships really go from the West to the East. You'd be amazed at some of the people I call friends. "

" I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances. "

" My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too. "

" I don't know, maybe Australian humour isn't supposed to be funny. It's as dry as the Sahara, and I think people miss that. "

" Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself. "

" I try to sign for as many kids as possible. Kids come first, and I'll always sign for a kid before an adult. It's funny, because I was never big into autographs as a kid. The only player who I ever wanted an autograph from was Dave Winfield. "

" I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. "

" My first book was an open letter to my three daughters. "

" What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? "

" Every dogma has its day. "

" Almost anything can be funny if said the right way - but it has to be said the right way. "

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" Justice Scalia and I served together on the D.C. Circuit. So his votes are not surprising to me. What I like about him is that he's very funny and very smart. "

" Somebody said something funny to me the other day. They said, 'Wolper, until two weeks ago, your tombstone was going to say, 'David Wolper, the man who produced 'Roots.' I think the tombstone now has a new inscription. It's going to be 'David Wolper, the man who produced the opening ceremony of the 1984 Olympics.' "

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" I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. "

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Door

Kid

" A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. "

" When you're eight years old nothing is your business. "