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" Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal. "

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" Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves. "

" To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. "

" It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash. "

" Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there. "

" When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him. "

" A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug. "

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" Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. "

" Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense. "

" Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit. "

" Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors. "

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" There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing. "

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" The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so. "

" One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can. "

" I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry. "

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" No one can disgrace us but ourselves. "

" I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else. "

" About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it. "

" It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient. "

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" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

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" The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear. "

" Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place. "

" There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. "

" One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs. "