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" Remember the poor, it costs nothing. "

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" There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins. "

" Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does. "

" One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness. "

" The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease. "

" It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit. "

" When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him. "

" There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't. "

" A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug. "

" The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm. "

" It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too. "

" There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. "

" It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so. "

" The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. "

" Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. "

" I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else. "

" Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do. "

" Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors. "

" There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. "

" It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash. "

" I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time. "

" Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place. "

" Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something. "

" If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself. "

" If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time. "

" Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it. "

" No one can disgrace us but ourselves. "

" Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected. "

" Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done. "

" Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words. "

" Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel. "