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" Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words. "

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" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

" Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit. "

" It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so. "

" Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined. "

" The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. "

" Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there. "

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

" Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb. "

" Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do. "

" About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment. "

" No one can disgrace us but ourselves. "

" Remember the poor, it costs nothing. "

" When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him. "

" To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. "

" There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it. "

" Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. "

" There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins. "

" It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash. "

" Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does. "

" Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel. "

" I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money. "

" If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety. "

" Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight. "

" I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else. "

" One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs. "

" Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at. "

" Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go. "

" Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place. "

" Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope. "

" Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something. "