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" Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there. "

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" Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got. "

" To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. "

" The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. "

" It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so. "

" About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it. "

" Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do. "

" Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go. "

" Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal. "

" Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. "

" Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at. "

" Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. "

" Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. "

" As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them. "

" Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. "

" If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety. "

" The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease. "

" No one can disgrace us but ourselves. "

" Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight. "

" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

" One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs. "

" A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates. "

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

" Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined. "

" When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him. "

" You’d better not know so much, than to know so many things that ain’t so. "

" I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money. "

" Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves. "

" If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself. "

" There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. "

" A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug. "