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" Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. "

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" My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head. "

" I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me. "

" I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book. "

" I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.' "

" I don't do impressions. "

" When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last. "

" Honestly, I didn't realize it - all of a sudden, I was 90. The years skipped by quickly. When it happened, I said, 'Where did the time go?' "

" I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people. "

" You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. "

" Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper. "

" To this day, if you gave me $1,000, I really can't stand up - You can tell a joke. You're a good storyteller and a good joke teller. "

" I don't like to compare myself with anybody. "

" I was in World War II; I cried when they took me in the Navy. That's the last time I cried. "

" I busted my bird for 60 years in the business, but my grandkids only know me as Mr. Potato Head. "

" I enjoy mixed audiences, not one particular group. Short, tall, scientists, Jews, gentiles, whatever, as long as they breathe and like to laugh. "

" Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. "

" Sinatra had a lot of mood swings, but he was wonderful to my wife Barbara and to me. He made no bones about who he liked and who he loved, and he had this great charisma. When he walked into a room, it stopped. I've only seen that happen with Ronald Reagan. "

" Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap. "

" An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth. "

" Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel. "

End Of The Tunnel

" Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going to react. But I could tell the minute I saw him that he was going to be in my corner. "

" The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island. "

" In our day we went from - we went into saloons. We couldn't cross over like you can today, get a television series and all of a sudden you're a major movie star, you know. "

" Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera. "

" Most people think the character I do onstage is the way I am offstage, but I'm just a regular guy who spends time with his family and who turns on the television and watches a lot of sports. "

" I did a few movies, but the word 'star'... I cannot compare to a star like Clint Eastwood. I used to call Clint 'Larry Dickman' when he would come to my show; then, he started using the name when he would go under cover in a 'Dirty Harry' movie. That's why he's a movie star... he's so creative. "

" Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend! "

" You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it. "

" Being in the Navy, when I came home, it changed your whole life. You're 18, you go away for two and a half years, you come home - boy, you're a different person. "

" Everything I've performed has been from my own head. "