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" I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.' "

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" If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. "

" Being in the Navy, when I came home, it changed your whole life. You're 18, you go away for two and a half years, you come home - boy, you're a different person. "

" The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now. "

" When I walk down the street in New York, I swear to God, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, 'Hey, you hockey puck!' "

" Don't call me 'sir; 'King Jew' will do fine. "

" After I graduated, I tried Broadway, which was difficult for me. It was tough to get a part on Broadway, so I just started talking to audiences at different social gatherings, and little by little I became Don Rickles - whatever that is. "

" I can get an audience screaming in Las Vegas and say, 'Barbara, that was a great show,' and she'll say, 'Would you please hurry up? We have dinner reservations at 9:30.' "

" When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my side. "

" I ride a recumbent bike for half an hour every day. "

" Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive. "

" Compared to what some of the young comics use for material today, I'm a priest. "

" Sinatra was somebody special. "

" When I'm onstage, I'm acting. "

" When I was a younger guy doing comedy, it was a big struggle. Promoters canceled me out of clubs left and right when I called somebody a dummy or a yo-yo. Then they realized I was different. "

" My wife is great. She always goes to the bank to see if the check has cleared. "

" Bob Hope was totally regimented. I go in and say a line like, 'Hi Bob' and I'd have to do it five times, and then Bob would take me to the writers to say the line different ways. He wouldn't let me ad-lib. "

" Many, many years ago, I stood on the stage and told bad jokes and did Sophie Tucker as an impersonation, and nobody looked up; and suddenly, I looked down and said, 'Sir, I'm getting fed up with you. Either you watch, or I'm going to suck your neck,' or words to that effect, and suddenly people started to laugh. "

" Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God. "

" I've been to Philadelphia a lot of times over the years, playing the old Celebrity Room and most of the other clubs around there that don't exist anymore. "

" I've never had a written script. "

" Well, I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. "

" In the 45 years I've worked in casinos, I dreamed of being honored by an organization like the American Gaming Association, especially since I don't even have a hunting license. "

" Most people think the character I do onstage is the way I am offstage, but I'm just a regular guy who spends time with his family and who turns on the television and watches a lot of sports. "

" To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it. "

" I was a big shot in high school - big into social events and at the dramatic society - and I always had trouble in school. Not because I was a dummy, but I was always busy being the Jackson Heights clown. "

" I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me. "

" You know how a fighter always comes into the dressing room way before a fight? That's me - I'm like a fighter. "

" There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage. "

" My mother was a Jewish General Patton. "

" When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket. "