Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying. "
Elayne Boosler
Go
Audience
You
Related Quotes:
" I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body. "
Elayne Boosler
Person
Trapped
Body
" Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix? "
Elayne Boosler
Food
Eight
Party
" You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot. "
Elayne Boosler
Bald
You
Woman
" I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.' "
Elayne Boosler
History
Car
Thankful
" I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city. "
Elayne Boosler
Best
Best Way
See
" I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent. "
Elayne Boosler
Place
Truth
Thought
" I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. "
Elayne Boosler
Think
People
Funny
" I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots. "
Elayne Boosler
I Am
Thankful
People
" I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club. "
Elayne Boosler
Much
Than
Theater
" I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years. "
Elayne Boosler
Get Married
Fake
Sleep
" Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers. "
Elayne Boosler
You
Know
Better
" For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper. "
Elayne Boosler
Human
Me
Newspaper
" Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help. "
Elayne Boosler
You
Sides
Reading
" You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport. "
Elayne Boosler
Know
Your
You
" I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. "
Elayne Boosler
Matter
Three
Door
" I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women. "
Elayne Boosler
Think
Women
Myself
" I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live? "
Elayne Boosler
Basketball
Three
Find
" I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about. "
Elayne Boosler
Joke
Issues
Pretty
" I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other. "
Elayne Boosler
God
World
I Am
" The message of great art is to disturb. "
Elayne Boosler
Great
Great Art
Art
" My breakup with AT&T is final, and I'm done with Skype as the rebound guy. "
Elayne Boosler
Done
Final
Guy
" When the sun comes up, I have morals again. "
Elayne Boosler
Up
Again
Morals
" When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He's responsible for my favorite New Year's memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the showroom, sending champagne glasses and gamblers flying. "
Elayne Boosler
New
Black
End
" As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year. "
Elayne Boosler
Night
Year
Almost
" There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb. "
Elayne Boosler
Afraid
Comedians
Outside
" I've never been able to write for stand-up. "
Elayne Boosler
Never
Been
Able
" My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions. "
Elayne Boosler
Men
Wilderness
Ancestors
" We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture. "
Elayne Boosler
Drawing
Never
Picture
" I love being down at Occupy Wall Street. The sincerity, the youth involvement, the desire for better, is palpable and moving. There is true caring, sharing, and refreshingly naive hope. "
Elayne Boosler
Hope
Love
Moving
" I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food. "
Elayne Boosler
Food
Thankful
Me