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" You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport. "
Elayne Boosler
Know
Your
You
Related Quotes:
" I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.' "
Elayne Boosler
History
Car
Thankful
" When the sun comes up, I have morals again. "
Elayne Boosler
Up
Again
Morals
" We have wild animals in zoos, yet people rarely meet their 'food' face to face. "
Elayne Boosler
Animals
Face
Wild
" I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone. "
Elayne Boosler
Funny
Had
Always
" Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers? "
Elayne Boosler
Money
Great
Giving
" Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers. "
Elayne Boosler
You
Know
Better
" When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You worked free for years in little clubs, then you got your big break and became a star. "
Elayne Boosler
Day
You
Comedy
" Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help. "
Elayne Boosler
You
Sides
Reading
" I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession. "
Elayne Boosler
Never
Remember
Choice
" I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women. "
Elayne Boosler
Think
Women
Myself
" Why isn't the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn't allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won't allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected. "
Elayne Boosler
Organization
Animal
Movies
" I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble. "
Elayne Boosler
Choice
Losing
Money
" I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body. "
Elayne Boosler
Person
Trapped
Body
" I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers. "
Elayne Boosler
Find
Us
You
" There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb. "
Elayne Boosler
Afraid
Comedians
Outside
" My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning. "
Elayne Boosler
Belief
Congress
America
" My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty. "
Elayne Boosler
Hair
You
Dog
" I like to go after the foibles, basically of beliefs that are held without question. If people still want to believe in their stuff after that, that's great - as long as they just have a chance to step back and look at it for a second. Sometimes, you don't even realize what you've been thinking for 20 years. "
Elayne Boosler
Great
Chance
People
" As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year. "
Elayne Boosler
Night
Year
Almost
" My breakup with AT&T is final, and I'm done with Skype as the rebound guy. "
Elayne Boosler
Done
Final
Guy
" I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live? "
Elayne Boosler
Basketball
Three
Find
" Calgary wins for my coldest New Year's Eve gig. That's when I learned Fahrenheit and Celsius cross at 40 below. I could see callers' breath coming out of my phone. "
Elayne Boosler
See
Phone
Breath
" The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born. "
Elayne Boosler
Born
Rule
Mothers
" My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions. "
Elayne Boosler
Men
Wilderness
Ancestors
" We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture. "
Elayne Boosler
Drawing
Never
Picture
" When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. "
Elayne Boosler
Thinking
Shopping
Men
" Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.' "
Elayne Boosler
Place
Breakfast
Morning
" Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating. "
Elayne Boosler
Same
Keep
Sweater
" I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. "
Elayne Boosler
Alone
Know
Men
" When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He's responsible for my favorite New Year's memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the showroom, sending champagne glasses and gamblers flying. "
Elayne Boosler
New
Black
End