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" There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Consequences
You
Right
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" A person has got to balance work and life and family in order to be a balanced person. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Person
Work
Balance
" Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Divorce
Legal
Children
" Kids are disorganized. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Disorganized
Kids
" I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Religion
Experience
Good
" America is not doctrinaire. It's hard for an American politician to come up with an ideological position that is permanently unforgivable. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
America
Hard
" We loved cars until the '70s or so. Then they became appliances. They turned into motorized cup holders. Most of it has to do with urban sprawl. What began as pleasure ends up in necessity, as so many things do. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Up
Things
Cup
" The most brilliant satire of all time was 'A Modest Proposal' by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Time
You
Brilliant
" There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is - certainly is one of them. But it's low on my list. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Problems
Environmental
Change
" Infant mortality and life expectancy are reasonable indicators of general well-being in a society. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Well-Being
Life
Reasonable
" I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Curtain
Behind
Iron
" Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
Had
Woodstock
" In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky evening breezes. So, too, in America. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fear
Jokes
Waves
" Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in Guangdong province have your job? "
P. J. O'Rourke
Why
Years
You
" Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Love Is
Love
Bad
" People love to be told what they know already. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Know
People
Love
" Accuse a person of breaking all Ten Commandments, and you've written the promo blurb for the dust cover of his tell-all memoir. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Person
Dust
Ten Commandments
" I was never a Democrat. I went from Republican to Maoist and then back again. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Back
Democrat
Never
" A friend of mine at the American Enterprise Institute says there are two parties: the silly party and the stupid party. I'm too old for the silly party, so I had to join the stupid party. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
Party
Friend
" The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It's a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Country
Problem
Water
" Inside every Sancho Panza there's a Don Quixote struggling to get out. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Out
Get
Struggling
" I was very much in favor of the Iraq invasion. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Much
Very
Invasion
" Crazy old people are our entire source of polling information. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Old People
People
Crazy
" Californians are people who insist on growing their own vegetables, but they won't dig up the pretty lawn, won't plant anything for fear of getting dirty, and they use fragrant bath salts from The Body Shop instead of smelly compost. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Growing
Plant
People
" War diminishes both civil and economic rights. "
P. J. O'Rourke
War
Civil
Both
" Hubris is one of the great renewable resources. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Renewable
Great
Resources
" President Obama has contempt for real money. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Money
Obama
Real
" I'm too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom's earring in his tongue, who combs his hair with Redi-Whip and has an Ani DiFranco tattoo on his shin, come show me how a computer works. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Tongue
Tough
Me
" You can learn all about the human condition from covering the crime beat in a big city - you don't need to go to Beirut for that - but a foreign correspondent begins to understand poverty from a different perspective. "
P. J. O'Rourke
City
You
Poverty
" Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Moral
Clear
Issues
" Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live forever, and all be rich. Conservatives are never that stupid. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Rich
Always
Happy