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" I was never a Democrat. I went from Republican to Maoist and then back again. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Back
Democrat
Never
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" The body is forever teaching us lessons. There are all sorts of things that we can't do, shouldn't do, had better not do very often or do for too long as we get older. The body makes its presence known. "
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" I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal. "
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Curtain
Behind
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" Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life. "
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" Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby. "
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" Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed voting should be outlawed. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Use
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" Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less. "
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" Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort. "
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God
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" Earnestness is stupidity sent to college. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Earnestness
Stupidity
College
" New Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State's registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they're going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can't understand what they say. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Dinner
Say
Data
" Charles McCarry is the best modern writer on the subject of intrigue - by the breadth of Alan Furst, by the fathom of Eric Ambler, by any measure. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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" Predicting innovation is something of a self-canceling exercise: the most probable innovations are probably the least innovative. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Most
Something
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" The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry - knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wimples and billowing dresses, a white stag symbolizing something-or-other, and Robin Hood getting in the way. An actual stag hunt is more like a horseback meeting of a county planning commission. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hood
White
Meeting
" Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Never
Your
Unfaithful
" On inspection, Gaudi's architecture isn't whimsical at all. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Whimsical
Architecture
Inspection
" Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Whatever
Policy
" Obama's space policy doesn't differ much from George W. Bush's. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Policy
Obama
Bush
" The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that's the point. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Point
Bad
Real
" All previous populist movements were demanding things from governments, whereas the Tea Party is saying, 'Give us less, go away.' That's heartening to see. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Go
Away
Party
" Children live in the only successful Marxist state ever created: the family. 'From each according to his ability, to each according to his need' is the family's practice as well as its theory. Even with today's scattershot patterns of marriage and parenting, a family is collectivist to a more than North Korean degree. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Today
Marriage
Family
" America gives every appearance of being a nation besotted with trashiness - divorce, illegitimacy, casual Fridays. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Nation
Appearance
America
" I had a confused early hippie phase, which was like a cafeteria tray of sloppy, semi-Marxist thoughts, absorbed second-hand. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Early
Like
Confused
" Democrats hate Democrats most of all. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Democrats
Most
Hate
" I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius. "
P. J. O'Rourke
News
Know
Business
" Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading. "
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You
Place
Nice
" Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in Guangdong province have your job? "
P. J. O'Rourke
Why
Years
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" Fascism is very much a mob movement. "
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Much
Fascism
Mob
" Satire doesn't effect change. "
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Change
Satire
Effect
" War expands government powers. The trouble is that, when the war goes away, the government powers do not. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Trouble
Away
Goes
" People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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Ants
" The purpose of sports - even foreign sports - is not to bore people. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Foreign
People
Purpose