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" There's no way around it - drama is very difficult to shoot. It's very heavy and something that you carry with you for the course of the day. "

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" Hockey's my favorite sport. "

" I don't really have a lot of fun playing just straight good guys. It's not my thing. It's like Tom Hanks territory. "

" I studied acting in school and then, of course, couldn't get an acting job. "

" There are some guys I know for a fact, like Louis C.K., who always talk about how not-great of an actor he is, and he's terrific on his show. But I know Louis would play a fantastic dramatic role in something, too. He just needs somebody to grab him and say, 'Come in here and do this.' "

" We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me! "

" Bill Murray doesn't do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he's going to do. "

" If you want a long-term relationship that doesn't require a lot of work, I say, get a dog. They love you no matter what. But when it comes to humans, there's no secret; you really have to appreciate the person every single day. "

" I've eaten things that didn't complain this much. "

" I obviously identify with the anti-authority figure. I've pretty much always had problems with authority, ever since I was a kid. "

" I've always had a thing for Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry in tight leather pants, with the boots - I'm pretty good with either one. "

" My father could swear in Gaelic and English, by the way, ladies and gentlemen. "

" If I'm president, there are going to be government vans that drive around and pick up people who shouldn't be wearing certain clothing. Talk about lack of civil rights - I'm sorry, I'm pulling you right off the street, and we're giving you clothes that you're going to be O.K. in. "

" I love Santa Monica and Venice because I like the beach. I have a lot of friends in that area. "

" I think we're going to carry the 'Ice Age's up to 'Ice Age 15,' which means basically they'll be in the present decade. "

" I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen. "

" People saying, 'Life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.' Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes! "

" The first movie I saw where it convinced me I could be an actor was 'Mean Streets,' so whenever I see Robert De Niro and he says, 'Hi, Denis,' it's still a really big deal. "

" There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid. "

" I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trade, was hosting the show. So I thought, 'If these guys can do it, then so can I.' "

" I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side? "

" I can't text. My fingers are too big. "

" If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I've been out of work for a while. "

" My father left Ireland because he did not want to muck horse manure for the rest of his life, and he wanted to come to New York. "

" I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy. "

" I really want to do a western film. It's one of my favorite movie genres of all time. "

" I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy. "

" I believe in prescription drugs. I believe in feeling better. "

" I remember 9/11; we had 'Comics Come Home' about a month after those events. That night, even the comedians were concerned. Would the audience be ready to laugh? It was a release for everyone. "

" You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't. "

" The Social Wishlist on Facebook is a great example of everything right about social media. "