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" They say that every Jewish person is supposed to love one black person in his life. I'm glad Lorne Michaels chose me. "

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" People walked out on Richard Pryor and he's the funniest man alive. "

" Welcome to post-racial America. I'm the face of post-racial America. "

" I love '30 Rock' because Tina Fey allows me to fly over the cuckoo nest once a week. "

" I'm not perfect, but I strive for it. "

" I'm a human being. I feel all emotions. I'm not just happy all the time. Sometimes, I'm sad and feel the blues. Sometimes I even want to feel the blues. Sometimes, you want to feel down. "

" You have to be highly intelligent to get away with a dumb joke. That takes a pretty smart fella. "

" If you're the kind of person who likes numbers and statistics, I'm the long shot - the Lotto Powerball winner. I'm the mutation in the DNA that makes evolution a reality. I am the new black. "

" Comedians are the monkeys of acting. When you go to the zoo, everybody loves the monkey exhibit. "

" Growing up in the ghetto is pretty hard. It's poverty; it's frustration. "

" Anybody who's lived in the ghetto knows that you don't move during the daytime. Here's why: You don't want anyone to know you're leaving, and you don't want anyone knowing where you're going. "

" So I think all comedians are earning their wings into heaven. We're all going to heaven, but everybody's not going to get their wings. Some people are just going to be regular angels. Doing cleanup, janitor work. In heaven, I'm going to sit on the couch with Oprah. "

" I have my Lucky Charms in the morning, and I feel magical. "

" Everybody's out to get something from somebody. 'Gold diggers' doesn't just mean money, it can mean time, it can mean feelings. It can mean anything when you're taking and not giving. When people don't know how to reciprocate. "

" If I make fun of somebody at my show, believe me, it's something we can all laugh at. "

" My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality. "

" The paparazzi do what they do, man. They have a job, too. "

" I believe gay, straight, anybody, everybody's supposed to be happy in this world, man. "

" My heart is committed to giving everyone the same rights that I deserve for myself. "

" I think it's good that I get scared because, if you never get scared, you don't have any need for guts. "

" Having boys is different. Boys, you put sneakers on, and they're out, they're ready. Girls, you gotta pay a little bit more attention to them. "

" I have a pretty diverse audience, and that makes me happy - laughter is universal, and I don't differentiate between people at all. Why should I? People are people. There's no reason why one person can't relate to any other person on this planet in some way or another. "

" You gotta understand, my great-grandfather was German and Irish. My grandmother was Indian, and my grandfather was African-American, so we all got a little something in us. "

" I deal with my sons like young men. If they have a problem with something, they come to me. I am the type of dad that will drop everything I am doing for them, and always tell them to talk to me about it. "

" When I want to work on my material, I go to Benihana or the barbershop. "

" You get somebody to crack a smile, that's a beautiful thing. "

" I have the person at home, the person who has his privacy, too. Michael Jackson didn't do the moonwalk in his kitchen. "

" As a child, I was able to know that I wanted a better life. "

" I don't have anything against Jimmy Fallon. I love Jimmy Fallon. He's my dude. "

" When a child is born, it's born with a heart of gold, but the way of this world can turn that heart cold. I'm still a good person, and I thank God for that - He's working with me on it. "

" If we all had a little bit of Michael Jackson in us, I think it would make the world a better place. "