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" You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am. "
Rush Limbaugh
Know
Funny
You
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" But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone. "
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" I always have a funny story at communion time that underscores that no one is perfect, and that communion is not for perfect people but for hungry people. "
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" The idea of going back to college scares me, and I didn't even go. I went to college for one year, two semesters. If you add up the total time, I probably didn't even go one semester. "
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" United States foreign policy, which includes national security, is literally disintegrating before our eyes. "
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" All I do is convert liberals to conservatism. That's what I do, and that's why they don't like me. "
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" My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. "
Jimmy Durante
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" If you're OK with being clumsy, it's funny. But if you are super embarrassed, people are going to laugh at you. "
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" I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. "
Samuel Goldwyn
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Think
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" He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow. "
George Eliot
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" Some of the best bad guys in movies are funny and charming. "
Michael Pena
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" There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer. "
Milton Berle
Style
Will
Point Of View
" I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them. "
Anna Held
Flirt
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" A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. "
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" Every dogma has its day. "
Anthony Burgess
Every
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" The avant-garde theater is fun; it is free-swinging, bold, iconoclastic, and often wildly, wildly funny. If you will approach it with childlike innocence - putting your standard responses aside, for they do not apply - if you will approach it on its own terms, I think you will be in for a liberating surprise. "
Edward Albee
Think
Surprise
Innocence
" I like having a beard. What's funny is when you shave a beard, you realize how freezing cold your face is! The primary purpose evolution-wise is to keep you warm, to grow hair on your face. You shave it off, and your face is freezing for a few days. "
Adam Scott
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Purpose
" Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. "
Christopher Plummer
Over
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" Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. "
Will Rogers
Funny
Long
Everything
" The First Amendment doesn't give anybody the right to be heard. People don't have to listen to you. "
Rush Limbaugh
Right
Listen
First
" The Republicans have bought into the idea that people hate them because they're opposed to everything. "
Rush Limbaugh
People
Everything
Hate
" You do not have to incriminate yourself. But once you assert your innocence, and once you say you didn't do anything wrong, you can't then use the Fifth Amendment to say, 'I'm not answering questions.' "
Rush Limbaugh
Yourself
Innocence
Questions
" The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life. "
Seann William Scott
Jealous
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My Life
" Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher did more to liberate people by defeating the Soviet Union and freeing eastern Europe than the Obamas, the Clintons, and Kerrys of this world ever have. They were all on the wrong side of that debate. "
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People
Side
World
" Free speech gives us the ability to react vigorously with effective arguments and expose the weakness and misdirection of the other side's claims. "
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Weakness
Speech
React
" The left has total control over the public education system, all the way up to the university level. It's something they own, and it's going to have to change. "
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Education
Own
Way
" I am certain there is too much certainty in the world. "
Michael Crichton
I Am
Funny
Certainty
" I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them? "
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" I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it. "
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" My mother was a nurse, and in her era, most diseases weren't understood; people put mustard plasters on knees and rubbed camphor on your chest if you had a cough and did funny things to you if you had tuberculosis - all these things that really made very little difference once proper treatments were brought in. "
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Difference
Funny
You
" I'm known as a kind of dramatic, serious, almost humorless actor and the fact is, I'm a funny guy, and I spend most of my life trying to find a lighter side of things, and on stage was given plenty of opportunity to do that. "
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