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" Some of the best bad guys in movies are funny and charming. "

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" If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. "

" People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" I remember my seventh-grade chemistry teacher told me I'd never amount to anything. I thought, 'Hmm. OK.' That gave me motivation to prove her wrong. "

" How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. "

" With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny. "

" My mother is very funny. She is from a village; she has a typical village kind of humour. Often she says a lot of things she herself isn't aware is a punch line. "

" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "

" I'm envious of writers. "

" When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.' "

" I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people. "

" Regardless of whatever job you do, you want to see the importance of it or how it can be important. I think by inspiring the people that I come from - if I inspire anyone - would be worth it. "

" If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. "

Abraham Lincoln

" I am interested in shows that are not out-and-out gag fests: you see the truth of a broken heart behind them. That is what life is like: it's really funny, you see funny things as soon as you step out of the room, but underneath that is a whole bag of broken hearts. It's that real pain and that real hilarity that makes life so intriguing. "

" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "

" I'm for whatever gets you through the night. "

" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "

Garrett Hedlund

" All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. "

" Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. "

" When I first set out to do it, I wanted to be a working actor, and now it seems like it's superseded even my dreams. "

" It's a funny thing: my name in Arabic means hope, so I suppose I have to live by that principle. Hope is desire, feeling, and investing in a projection of something that doesn't yet exist. At its best, you witness its alchemy in your life, turning something that was once in the mind into reality. At its worst, it's delusion. "

" That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. "

" Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. "

Stephen Hawking

" It's such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you're not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. "

" There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context. If you translated something into French and then had it translated back into English by somebody who didn't know the original, you'd lose what was funny. "

" You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own. "

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

" As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. "

" I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. "

" You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor. "

" Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. "

" I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. "

Rodney Dangerfield