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" My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. "

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" I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. "

" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "

" I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand. "

Leonardo DiCaprio

" During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one. "

" I think my funny books are my favorites because I like to laugh so much. "

" Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. Lou Costello was one of your great funnymen. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape. "

" I call myself the Amusement Park. That's because I'm funny and scary at the same time. "

" Men are only as loyal as their options. "

" I try to sign for as many kids as possible. Kids come first, and I'll always sign for a kid before an adult. It's funny, because I was never big into autographs as a kid. The only player who I ever wanted an autograph from was Dave Winfield. "

" It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are. "

" As I get older, I just prefer to knit. "

" All generalizations are false, including this one. "

Generalizations

" I've had an experience through music that has touched almost every part of me. It educated me in ways that I didn't get educated in school. So we try to lay on a bit of that, through being funny, being serious, playing hard. "

Bruce Springsteen

" Humor has become so cliche and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable. "

" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "

" It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. "

" The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' "

" Its funny, because for females in general - not just in music, but the corporate ladder as well - anything we do has always been harder for us. When it comes to music, the industry wants you to conform, to look like this and to sound like this and do this or that. It makes it harder. It's harder for us to come out and be bosses and lead the pack. "

" The funny thing is, I'm so used to not caring what anyone says, good or bad, that unfortunately even when people say good things... I wish it made me feel good, but it doesn't. "

" I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. "

Arthur Conan Doyle

" Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air. "

" Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. "

" It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" It's funny to be in rooms where you were originally referred to as 'The Shakespeare Guy' and to suddenly be in the position where you're 'The Blockbuster Guy.' That's a pretty unusual turnabout, I must say. "

Kenneth Branagh

" I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do. "

" When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been in really ghastly taste. I don't think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them. "

" Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. "

" When you're out of sight for as long as I was, there's a funny feeling of betrayal that comes over people when they see you again. "

Esther Williams

" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "

Garrett Hedlund

" You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am. "