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" America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Pleased
Well
Anything
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" I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Doing
Love
Like
" Political leaders are expert at saying nothing. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Nothing
Political
Saying
" Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Dinner
Thanksgiving
Politics
" You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Growing
You
Children
" Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Moral
Clear
Issues
" The idea of a news broadcast once was to find someone with information and broadcast it. The idea now is to find someone with ignorance and spread it around. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Someone
Information
News
" Chinese economic development has cost many American workers their jobs. That's the price of progress. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Price
Progress
American
" A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Humorist
Really
Much
" Disney's House of the Future had the clean simplicity prized in the 1950s as relief from decades of frayed patchwork, jury-rigging, and make-do clutter caused by Depression and war. "
P. J. O'Rourke
War
Depression
Future
" Toledo is better than exciting, it's happy. Because nothing is more conducive to unhappiness than taking yourself seriously, and taking yourself seriously is difficult when you're baseball team is the Mud Hens. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Yourself
Team
Better
" Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Insurance
Likes
Health
" My life would have gone along perfectly well, politically speaking, if it hadn't been for girls. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Gone
Been
My Life
" Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Like
Making
Fun
" Corporate corruption has ecological merits. It's helping to preserve that species known as Democrats - thought to be endangered as recently as the year 2000. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Year
Corruption
Thought
" There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Many
Horizon
Trees
" College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being modest institutions. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Worth
Used
Go
" War diminishes both civil and economic rights. "
P. J. O'Rourke
War
Civil
Both
" Only a few good leaders have paused to reflect seriously on being leaders. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Reflect
Leaders
Seriously
" Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Like
Purpose
Children
" I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I usually don't listen to him. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Agree
Rush
Therefore
" Public schools helped create the idea of America and inculcate Americans with a few rudiments of knowledge. To judge by that very American item, the Internet, a few rudiments is all anyone cares to have. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
America
Internet
" Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in Guangdong province have your job? "
P. J. O'Rourke
Why
Years
You
" Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Algeria
Islamic
Nations
" Jimmy Carter was - he still - he remains to this day America's most ex of ex-presidents. You just can't believe that we elected this doofus. He was a bright enough guy and sort of well-meaning. But he was about as prepared to be president of the United States as your goofy old uncle, you know, the one that memorises baseball statistics. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Believe
Day
America
" Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Goods
Buy
Nobody
" Ending wars is very simple if you surrender. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Simple
You
Surrender
" Sheep farming is heavily subsidized in Great Britain. Without the subsidies, the green grazing in the valley of the River Exe would be gone. The handsome agricultural landscape of which the British are so proud, carefully husbanded since Boudicca's day, would be replaced by natural growth. The most likely growth is real-estate developments. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Day
Growth
Proud
" When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because you have a job and/or insurance and can pay the hospital. and another bill, which is tacked onto your bill, to cover the medical expenses of someone who doesn't have a job and/or insurance and can't pay the hospital. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Job
You
Hospital
" I knew Hunter Thompson since the '70s, and I loved him, but he would wear me out as I got older. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Got
Older
Me
" If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Heard
Death
Somebody