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" America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased. "

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" I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it. "

" Political leaders are expert at saying nothing. "

" Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants. "

" You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. "

" Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues. "

" The idea of a news broadcast once was to find someone with information and broadcast it. The idea now is to find someone with ignorance and spread it around. "

" Chinese economic development has cost many American workers their jobs. That's the price of progress. "

" A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking. "

" Disney's House of the Future had the clean simplicity prized in the 1950s as relief from decades of frayed patchwork, jury-rigging, and make-do clutter caused by Depression and war. "

" Toledo is better than exciting, it's happy. Because nothing is more conducive to unhappiness than taking yourself seriously, and taking yourself seriously is difficult when you're baseball team is the Mud Hens. "

" Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. "

" My life would have gone along perfectly well, politically speaking, if it hadn't been for girls. "

" Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. "

" Corporate corruption has ecological merits. It's helping to preserve that species known as Democrats - thought to be endangered as recently as the year 2000. "

" There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees. "

" College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being modest institutions. "

" War diminishes both civil and economic rights. "

" Only a few good leaders have paused to reflect seriously on being leaders. "

" Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. "

" I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I usually don't listen to him. "

" Public schools helped create the idea of America and inculcate Americans with a few rudiments of knowledge. To judge by that very American item, the Internet, a few rudiments is all anyone cares to have. "

" Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in Guangdong province have your job? "

" Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines. "

" Jimmy Carter was - he still - he remains to this day America's most ex of ex-presidents. You just can't believe that we elected this doofus. He was a bright enough guy and sort of well-meaning. But he was about as prepared to be president of the United States as your goofy old uncle, you know, the one that memorises baseball statistics. "

" Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods. "

" Ending wars is very simple if you surrender. "

" Sheep farming is heavily subsidized in Great Britain. Without the subsidies, the green grazing in the valley of the River Exe would be gone. The handsome agricultural landscape of which the British are so proud, carefully husbanded since Boudicca's day, would be replaced by natural growth. The most likely growth is real-estate developments. "

" When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because you have a job and/or insurance and can pay the hospital. and another bill, which is tacked onto your bill, to cover the medical expenses of someone who doesn't have a job and/or insurance and can't pay the hospital. "

" I knew Hunter Thompson since the '70s, and I loved him, but he would wear me out as I got older. "

" If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked. "