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" There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees. "

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" The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person. "

" Seriousness is stupidity sent to college. "

" America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased. "

" The most futuristic aspect of the House of the Future was that it was made almost entirely of plastic. "

" War expands government powers. The trouble is that, when the war goes away, the government powers do not. "

" I was very much in favor of the Iraq invasion. "

" In the language of politics, there is only one translation for the phrase 'hope and change,' to wit: 'big, fat government.' "

" Popular culture has become engorged, broadening and thickening until it's the only culture anyone notices. "

Popular Culture

" I blame feminism and Facebook for the death of the American automobile. I'm a Republican, so I blame everything on feminism - or commies. "

" Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such an excellent banjo player that you almost don't wish you had a pair of wire cutters. "

" The budget doesn't have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn't have much control over the budget. "

" They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, 'But doesn't it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn't it be set in New Guinea?' And you say, 'But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.' "

" America's public schools have served their purpose. Free and compulsory education was good for a somewhat unpromising young nation. "

" The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. "

" Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. "

" No Americans wants to see somebody lose their house because of health bills. Their boat? Maybe. Maybe the boat. But not the house. "

" Writing on a computer makes saving what's been written too easy. Pretentious lead sentences are kept, not tossed. Instead of sitting surrounded by crumpled paper, the computerized writer has his mistakes neatly stored in digital memory. "

" Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues. "

" The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids. "

" Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit. "

" Ending wars is very simple if you surrender. "

" War diminishes both civil and economic rights. "

" I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius. "

" The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas - fascism, communism, the atomic bomb. "

" The idea of a news broadcast once was to find someone with information and broadcast it. The idea now is to find someone with ignorance and spread it around. "

" The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? "

" It could be that all awful dictators are frustrated artists - Mao with his poetry and Mussolini with his monuments. Stalin was once a journalistic hack, and I can personally testify to how frustrated they are. Pol Pot left a very edgy photo collection behind. And Osama seems quite interested in video. "

" Like it or not, I've come to appreciate soccer. Any kid can play, which fits with the inclusive agenda of progressive schools. Although the corollary to 'any kid can play' is that every kid must play because there is an iron grip to the warm hug of progressive inclusionism. "

" Modern elites live in bubbles of liberal affluence like Ann Arbor, Brookline, the Upper West Side, Palo Alto, or Chevy Chase. These places used to have impoverished neighborhoods nearby, but the poor people got chased out by young singles living in group homes, hipsters, and urban homesteading gay couples. "

" Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading. "