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" Public schools helped create the idea of America and inculcate Americans with a few rudiments of knowledge. To judge by that very American item, the Internet, a few rudiments is all anyone cares to have. "

P. J. O'Rourke

American

America

Internet

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" America's grossly unfair tax system won't lead to class war. Or, if it does, the war will be brief. "

" There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages. "

" There are selves too big for one person to contain. You cannot call them selfish. There is nothing -ish about such selves. They are the self, as it were, itself. "

" Affirmative action makes employers think, 'Black woman nuclear physicist? Hah! Probably let her into Harvard 'cause they were looking for a twofer. Bet she got C's in high school practical math. Give her a job in personnel.' "

" In thirteen years, every aspect of the universe can change - ask a thirteen-year-old. "

" I've got a 1990 Porsche 911. It's just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Got

Love

" Voting has proliferated in the United States, and it has reached a point where there is now almost one vote available per citizen over the age of eighteen. "

" Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. "

" Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Irritating

Left

" I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal. "

" People say free trade causes dislocation. In actual fact, it's the lowering of trade barriers that causes the dislocation. "

" I spend my days kneeling in the muck of language, feeling around for gooey verbs, nouns, and modifiers that I can squash together to make a blob of a sentence that bears some likeness to reason and sense. "

" There are a number of Americans who shouldn't vote. The number is 57 percent, to judge by the combined total of Clinton and Perot ballots in the 1996 presidential election. "

" I'm a rather decisive type. "

" America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being 'hegemonistic', of engaging in 'unilateralism', of behaving as if we're the only nation on earth that counts. We are. "

" Now, do I think the baby boomers tend to be self-absorbed? I do. "

" Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have. "

P. J. O'Rourke

People

Seat

" If we were to inspect ourselves or members of our family and our friends, we would see that we don't really have to go all the way overseas to be mystified - we can be mystified right at home. "

" Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines. "

" Even Jimmy Carter can't be wrong all the time. "

" Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Off

Washington

" Northwest Ohio is flat. There isn't much up. The land is so flat that a child from Toledo is under the impression that the direction hills go is down. Sledding is done down from street level into creek beds and road cuts. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Road

Street

" As murderous industrial magnates go, Alfred Nobel is right up there with Ray Kroc, franchiser of McDonald's. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Ray

Right

" It could be that all awful dictators are frustrated artists - Mao with his poetry and Mussolini with his monuments. Stalin was once a journalistic hack, and I can personally testify to how frustrated they are. Pol Pot left a very edgy photo collection behind. And Osama seems quite interested in video. "

" I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. "

" Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse. "

" Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Best

Look

" My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow... he wasn't evil or anything, but he was worthless. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Haste

Young

" A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking. "

" I don't watch much television. "