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" Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on. "

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" It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game. "

" It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him. "

" If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation. "

" Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family. "

" I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. "

" Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs. "

" A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. "

" Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid. "

" Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble. "

" Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. "

" Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you. "

" Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause. "

" The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you. "

" After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school. "

" There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick. "

" It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about. "

" If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us. "

" The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them. "

" Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught. "

" Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home. "

" Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it. "

" Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. "

" It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "

" Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil. "

" When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money. "

" We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate. "

" There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it? "

" It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "

" Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable. "

" If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. "