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" If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. "

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" Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience. "

" No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. "

" When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money. "

" It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about. "

" Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. "

" Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. "

" The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening. "

" The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. "

" If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us. "

" There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it? "

" Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt. "

" All the world loves a good loser. "

" Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs. "

" It's the good loser who finally loses out. "

" Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. "

" No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. "

" It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game. "

" Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. "

" Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny. "

" A loafer always has the correct time. "

" Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on. "

" There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. "

" Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. "

" There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick. "

" Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. "

" A good listener is usually thinking about something else. "

" I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. "

" It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "

" The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. "

" It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "