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" Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you. "

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" The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing. "

" There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose. "

" Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny. "

" The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. "

" I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. "

" After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school. "

" There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. "

" A loafer always has the correct time. "

" Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it. "

" No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. "

" It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "

" A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one. "

" A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. "

" Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid. "

" Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil. "

" If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. "

" Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. "

" The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you. "

" Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs. "

" It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. "

" It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him. "

" There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick. "

" Men are not punished for their sins, but by them. "

" The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening. "

" If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation. "

" It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game. "

" A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower. "

" We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate. "

" Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. "

" No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. "