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" Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable. "

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" Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you. "

" Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs. "

" A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. "

" No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. "

" No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. "

" There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose. "

" The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. "

" The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening. "

" The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. "

" Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. "

" There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. "

" All the world loves a good loser. "

" Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely. "

" It's the good loser who finally loses out. "

" It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about. "

" Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. "

" I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity. "

" Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid. "

" Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. "

" The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing. "

" The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more. "

The Hardest Thing

" Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it. "

" Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper. "

" There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it? "

" Men are not punished for their sins, but by them. "

" It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. "

" Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best. "

" The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them. "

" I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. "

" Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family. "