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" The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you. "

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" Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. "

" Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt. "

" Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience. "

" No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. "

" Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on. "

" A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. "

" Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it. "

" If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us. "

" Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil. "

" The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing. "

" Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. "

" Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. "

" Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home. "

" When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money. "

" It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed. "

" I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. "

" Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause. "

" Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs. "

" The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them. "

" Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. "

" It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game. "

" No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. "

" Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best. "

" The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more. "

The Hardest Thing

" If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public. "

" A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one. "

" Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. "

" There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. "

" The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. "