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" The highlight of my career was being at the inaugural gala of Ronald Reagan, and I owe that to Mr. Sinatra. "

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" An 'insult comic' is the title I was given. What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings. "

" I write my own tweets. "

" I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies. "

" My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head. "

" Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, 'How many more years do I have on this earth?' But I can't really conceive of dying. "

" Being in the Navy, when I came home, it changed your whole life. You're 18, you go away for two and a half years, you come home - boy, you're a different person. "

" Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? "

" To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it. "

" My wife is great. She always goes to the bank to see if the check has cleared. "

" If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. "

" If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance. "

" I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke. "

" Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones. "

" Sinatra was somebody special. "

" I don't like to compare myself with anybody. "

" It takes many years to be a great comedian. "

" I did a picture 40 years ago with Carroll O'Connor and Telly Savalas, God rest their souls, and Clint Eastwood, called 'Kelly's Heroes,' which we filmed in Yugoslavia for six months. "

" Diana Krall I met in, I think it was Canada. She's a lovely lady. Her husband, Elvis Costello, is a great star. "

" At 90, I'm still working a couple of dates a month. My mind is very sharp on the stage, so why not? This may sound corny, but I do it because people - young and old - still come to see me, and they're very enthusiastic about my work. They treat me like the Godfather. "

" I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. "

" Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it. "

" I don't do impressions. "

" I told jokes badly. "

" The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island. "

" I don't drink much anymore, but when I traveled with Frank Sinatra, God rest his soul, I used to drink like I could do it. He made it a test. In Vegas, the Rat Pack, which I was a little part of, drank all night and slept most of the day. Then, about 5 o'clock, we'd meet in the hotel steam room, lock the door, and steam our brains out. "

" I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny. "

" Why should I retire? I'm like a fighter. The bell rings, and you come out and fight. "

" Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God. "

" I did a few movies, but the word 'star'... I cannot compare to a star like Clint Eastwood. I used to call Clint 'Larry Dickman' when he would come to my show; then, he started using the name when he would go under cover in a 'Dirty Harry' movie. That's why he's a movie star... he's so creative. "

" Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend! "