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" I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness. "

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" To this day, when I say that I went to the American Academy, people are very impressed. The reputation of the school has always been fantastic. "

" I don't do impressions. "

" I can get an audience screaming in Las Vegas and say, 'Barbara, that was a great show,' and she'll say, 'Would you please hurry up? We have dinner reservations at 9:30.' "

" I stopped smoking. But my personality I still have. I get up in the morning, and not everybody loves me, so if you want to call that a bad habit, there's that. "

" Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? "

" Bob Hope was totally regimented. I go in and say a line like, 'Hi Bob' and I'd have to do it five times, and then Bob would take me to the writers to say the line different ways. He wouldn't let me ad-lib. "

" Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap. "

" My whole act is off the top of my head. "

" They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. "

" I don't practice or write stuff down - everything I do onstage was just made up before I went on. "

" I was always the guy who made jokes and ribbed people at parties. After I went to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts I got sidetracked into clubs and started doing comedy. "

" I was 28 when my father died, and I was an only child. "

" I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.' "

" In the 45 years I've worked in casinos, I dreamed of being honored by an organization like the American Gaming Association, especially since I don't even have a hunting license. "

" You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. "

" Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend! "

" I've been to Philadelphia a lot of times over the years, playing the old Celebrity Room and most of the other clubs around there that don't exist anymore. "

" When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my side. "

" Herb Solo at that time was the head of MGM. I said, 'I want to live like Clint Eastwood.' Did I know at that time Clint Eastwood, to him, Heaven was a truck, a dog, and a picnic basket for food or something? "

" I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me. "

" I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny. "

" I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.' "

" An 'insult comic' is the title I was given. What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings. "

" The girls, like, in we'll say Hooters, have less clothing than the girls I worked with in those days. We thought it was wild when they just wore little bells and so forth. But today, in restaurants, some of the waitresses almost work in the nude, you know, to get business. "

" We were Orthodox Jews, but we really didn't deserve it. I mean, bacon - my father said, 'Don't put bacon in the house,' but we had bacon. We didn't keep kosher. And we observed which today would be Conservative Jews. But in those days, we belonged to an Orthodox temple. So we made out we were Orthodox Jews, but we really weren't. "

" Compared to what some of the young comics use for material today, I'm a priest. "

" There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage. "

" My mother was a big influence. She kept pushing me because I was very shy and inhibited. And schoolwork was very difficult for me because I couldn't concentrate. I was failing almost every subject. To this day, I'm not too good at reading a book. But I was the president of my high school comedy group, and they treated me like a king. "

" Diana Krall I met in, I think it was Canada. She's a lovely lady. Her husband, Elvis Costello, is a great star. "

" The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now. "