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" Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard. "

Karl Pilkington

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" You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go. "

Karl Pilkington

" I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never worried about life's big questions. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about. "

Karl Pilkington

" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "

Karl Pilkington

" Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.' "

Karl Pilkington

" And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed. "

Karl Pilkington

" I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great. "

Karl Pilkington

" People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don't know if that's true, if that's some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this. "

Karl Pilkington

" All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird. "

Karl Pilkington

" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "

Karl Pilkington

" It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

Karl Pilkington

" People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option? "

Karl Pilkington

" Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do. "

Karl Pilkington

" I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

Karl Pilkington

" Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too. "

Karl Pilkington

" When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know what 'famous' is, really. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "

Karl Pilkington

" I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life. "

Karl Pilkington

" To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after. "

Karl Pilkington