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" We should all love animals. "

Karl Pilkington

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" It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed. "

Karl Pilkington

" I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage. "

Karl Pilkington

" People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option? "

Karl Pilkington

" If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented. "

Karl Pilkington

" I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes? "

Karl Pilkington

" I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

Karl Pilkington

" The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone else. You're out of your comfortable zone. "

Karl Pilkington

" It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it. "

Karl Pilkington

" The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. "

Karl Pilkington

" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "

Karl Pilkington

" I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" I think it's a problem when something's a dream because it'll never live up to your expectations. It's better to go somewhere thinking it'll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised. "

Karl Pilkington

" People who live in a glass house have to answer the door. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about. "

Karl Pilkington

" And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding. "

Karl Pilkington

" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know what the future is, but you just do it whilst it's there, don't you? "

Karl Pilkington

" We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.' "

Karl Pilkington

" You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go. "

Karl Pilkington

" With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads? "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan. "

Karl Pilkington

" Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive. "

Karl Pilkington

" I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see. "

Karl Pilkington

" Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on? "

Karl Pilkington

" I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great. "

Karl Pilkington