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" Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really. "

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" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "

Karl Pilkington

End

World

Way

" With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads? "

" We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.' "

" People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone! "

" Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on? "

" Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone. "

" To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it? "

Karl Pilkington

Together

Marriage

" I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see. "

" It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it. "

" I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life. "

" A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect. "

" I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes? "

" To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after. "

Karl Pilkington

Easy

Looking

" I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest. "

" When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that. "

" I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan. "

" Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do. "

" People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don't know if that's true, if that's some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this. "

" I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

Quiet

Busy

" You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go. "

Karl Pilkington

You

Only

" I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference. "

Karl Pilkington

Difference

Doing

" If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented. "

" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "

" If you'd have told me five years ago that I'd have done all this - two books, some television and everything - I'd panic, I'd be scared. "

Karl Pilkington

You

Scared

" I've got loads of nieces and nephews. "

" The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone else. You're out of your comfortable zone. "

" I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really. "

" I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand. "

" For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. "

" We should all love animals. "