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" I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too. "

Karl Pilkington

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" A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect. "

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" That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape. "

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" I found that being with happy positive people annoys me. "

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" Comedy's really subjective, you know. "

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" With acting, I didn't get much from it. "

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" People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option? "

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" I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan. "

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" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "

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" It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle. "

Karl Pilkington

" The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death. "

Karl Pilkington

" We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.' "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

Karl Pilkington

" I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes? "

Karl Pilkington

" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "

Karl Pilkington

" To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it? "

Karl Pilkington

" And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about. "

Karl Pilkington

" We should all love animals. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "

Karl Pilkington

" People who live in a glass house have to answer the door. "

Karl Pilkington

" When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you'd have told me five years ago that I'd have done all this - two books, some television and everything - I'd panic, I'd be scared. "

Karl Pilkington

" Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says. "

Karl Pilkington

" I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented. "

Karl Pilkington

" It's not a joke: I really do like being at home. "

Karl Pilkington

" I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see. "

Karl Pilkington

" I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage. "

Karl Pilkington