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" Everybody in America who didn't come over the Bering Strait ice bridge stole his land from somebody else. "

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" Moviemakers are rewarded with tax write-offs if, when seeking a location that looks like America, they seek it in America. "

" When I'm in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me. "

" Stupid is a great force in human affairs. "

" Accuse a person of breaking all Ten Commandments, and you've written the promo blurb for the dust cover of his tell-all memoir. "

Ten Commandments

" Philosophy was once considered science. "

" There are selves too big for one person to contain. You cannot call them selfish. There is nothing -ish about such selves. They are the self, as it were, itself. "

" Mistreatment of al Qaeda members and their friends and hangers-on is something I number among my moral concerns. But it's number 1,000,000,001. "

" Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free. "

" Public schools helped create the idea of America and inculcate Americans with a few rudiments of knowledge. To judge by that very American item, the Internet, a few rudiments is all anyone cares to have. "

" Politics is - once in a while - a forum for serious debate about political philosophy. "

" There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It's going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it's the Democrats. "

" Why is Iraq so easy to harm and so hard to help? "

" I like to have interesting things to write about. And when one says something is 'interesting,' one almost always means 'bad.' "

" Satire doesn't effect change. "

" Nancy Pelosi says the angry opposition to health care reform is like the angry opposition to gay rights that led to Harvey Milk being shot. "

" Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants. "

" Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step. "

" Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. "

" Affirmative action makes employers think, 'Black woman nuclear physicist? Hah! Probably let her into Harvard 'cause they were looking for a twofer. Bet she got C's in high school practical math. Give her a job in personnel.' "

" In midlife, we're as dumb as we get. "

" My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. "

" Of all the American educational system's problems, none is more severe than the academic year beginning before Labor Day. "

" Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him. "

" Writing on a computer makes saving what's been written too easy. Pretentious lead sentences are kept, not tossed. Instead of sitting surrounded by crumpled paper, the computerized writer has his mistakes neatly stored in digital memory. "

" The First Amendment only says 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.' It can disrespect all it wants. "

" Californians are people who insist on growing their own vegetables, but they won't dig up the pretty lawn, won't plant anything for fear of getting dirty, and they use fragrant bath salts from The Body Shop instead of smelly compost. "

" I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal. "

" Something that confirms all fears and many conspiracy theories about government is finding out what our elected representatives would put into law if they could. "

" Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that's when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past. "

" Upbeat is for people who want to feel good about their cause: the reformers, the progressives, the revolutionaries, the utopians, the collectivists, and the rest of the altruistic scum of the earth. Why do these people want to feel good? They want to feel good in order to convince themselves that they are good. "