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" I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.' "

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" I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times. "

" Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction. "

" The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you. "

" A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you. "

" The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got. "

" Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. "

" The schools ain't what they used to be and never was. "

" Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far. "

" The best way out of a difficulty is through it. "

" One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide. "

" The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. "

" Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. "

" Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it. "

" Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth. "

" Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse. "

" It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. "

" Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. "

" Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it. "

" If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing. "

" It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you. "

" Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it. "

" The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking. "

" Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. "

" People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. "

" When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur. "

" America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few. "

" If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. "

" Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. "

" Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff. "

" I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. "