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" It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington. "

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" When I was starting out in this business, that was the norm. You did it all. You looked around, and entertainers could dance, sing, play the piano, act, make you laugh. "

" I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances. "

" You have to really want it, and don't take it personally if you don't get a job. Because sometimes you're not the type. And sometimes it's somebody else's turn. "

" I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn't do. "

" On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we'd sit around the kitchen table - it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top - and sing. "

" When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then... this laugh happened. I thought, 'Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?' "

" I liked myself better when I wasn't me. "

" I come from Texas, and my grandmother and mother were born in Arkansas. "

" Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away. "

" Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell. "

" I love 'Modern Family.' And I love 'Glee' - the singing, the music - Jane Lynch just kills me. "

" Comedy is tragedy - plus time. "

" I love Maya Rudolph. She's very multitalented herself. "

" You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has. "

" Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant. "

" I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I'd come home, and my best friend and I would act out the films that we saw. "

" When I left 'The Garry Moore Show,' I signed a 10-year contract with CBS. "

" I think the reason I was successful is that I was never cynical. "

" I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking. "

" I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. "

" My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres. "

" I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper. "

" I never felt cynical, and I never felt that I couldn't do what I wanted to do. "

" It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others. "

" But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. "

" I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today. "

" I had it in my contract with CBS, a very weird clause that was never written before and certainly not since, that if I wanted to do a variety show within the first five years of the contract, CBS would have to put it on for 30 shows. "

" I'm into 'House of Cards.' 'Breaking Bad' - my God, did I binge on that! "

" It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers. "

" I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy. "