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" I was in California, and I was going to UCLA, and I knew I certainly didn't have movie star looks. I remember seeing pictures and photos of Ethel Merman and Mary Martin, who were kind of average looking. I said, 'Well, that's for me, then, to go back to New York and try to be in musical comedy on Broadway.' "

Carol Burnett

New York

Remember

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" I'm so happy with what has happened in my life. "

" In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door. "

Carol Burnett

Gentleman

Job

" I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will. "

" It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington. "

" When things are a disappointment, try not to be so discouraged. "

" My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. "

" My first book was an open letter to my three daughters. "

" I eat very well, and I do Pilates. "

" When I left 'The Garry Moore Show,' I signed a 10-year contract with CBS. "

" I'm not always optimistic. You wouldn't have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins. "

" I very much enjoyed doing 'Law & Order,' playing a killer - that was fun, and they had a family feel around the set, so it was a happy show to do even though the subject matter was quite the opposite. "

" I do think there are some great female comics: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph. They're the whole ball of wax. "

" I'm like your mother, your sister, whatever. "

Carol Burnett

Your

Whatever

" Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant. "

Carol Burnett

Brilliant

Body

" I've always been optimistic. And I have a feeling that it happened because of going to all those movies with my grandmother in the '40s because there was no cynicism. "

" Jimmy Stewart and Lucille Ball were so unique. "

" I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy. "

" When I went to New York to try and make it, I never thought it wouldn't happen. "

" Because of YouTube, I'm getting fan mail from 10-year-olds and teenagers and college kids. "

" We don't stop going to school when we graduate. "

" I'm into 'House of Cards.' 'Breaking Bad' - my God, did I binge on that! "

" I don't watch sitcoms. I really don't. My problem with them is they take so long to film them that there's no spontaneity. I want to see that. "

" My favorite is doing the television show, as a variety show, every week. If the show wasn't that great one week, we could always come back and apologize, you know? "

" Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that. "

" If I go to a party, I'm not one to be the funniest person in the room at all. "

Carol Burnett

Room

Funniest

" I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that. "

" I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking. "

" I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. "

" I loved the Kennedy Center Honors because you just sit there, smile, wave, and cry. "

" Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief. "