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" I've been to Philadelphia a lot of times over the years, playing the old Celebrity Room and most of the other clubs around there that don't exist anymore. "

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" Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going to react. But I could tell the minute I saw him that he was going to be in my corner. "

" I was in World War II; I cried when they took me in the Navy. That's the last time I cried. "

" I was a mother's boy. "

" Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich. "

" I never went out looking for glory. "

" You know what's funny to me? Attitude. "

" Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, 'How many more years do I have on this earth?' But I can't really conceive of dying. "

" Many, many years ago, I stood on the stage and told bad jokes and did Sophie Tucker as an impersonation, and nobody looked up; and suddenly, I looked down and said, 'Sir, I'm getting fed up with you. Either you watch, or I'm going to suck your neck,' or words to that effect, and suddenly people started to laugh. "

" Ninety percent of the people who come to see me are my fans. "

" At 90, I'm still working a couple of dates a month. My mind is very sharp on the stage, so why not? This may sound corny, but I do it because people - young and old - still come to see me, and they're very enthusiastic about my work. They treat me like the Godfather. "

" Some people say funny things, but I say things funny. "

" Alan King, a comedian I adored, was considered society, and I was considered the Jewish kid from the neighborhood. "

" Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. "

" Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it. "

" The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now. "

" Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive. "

" To this day, when I say that I went to the American Academy, people are very impressed. The reputation of the school has always been fantastic. "

" I can get an audience screaming in Las Vegas and say, 'Barbara, that was a great show,' and she'll say, 'Would you please hurry up? We have dinner reservations at 9:30.' "

" Funny is funny. "

" Everything I've performed has been from my own head. "

" Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera. "

" When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last. "

" I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny. "

" When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my side. "

" It takes many years to be a great comedian. "

" I spent two and a half years in the Philippines in World War II. "

" An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth. "

" I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book. "

" I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it. "

" Diana Krall I met in, I think it was Canada. She's a lovely lady. Her husband, Elvis Costello, is a great star. "