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" There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage. "

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" I couldn't sell air conditioners on a 98-degree day. When I demonstrated them in a showroom, I pushed the wrong button and blew the circuit. "

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" One thing a comedian does, when you step on the stage, you're selling yourself, and certainly I don't think the whole world can love you. But if you can get the majority on your side, you're really in business. "

" Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive. "

" Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. "

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" Bob Newhart, who is my best friend, is one of the guys I adore. "

" I was a big shot in high school - big into social events and at the dramatic society - and I always had trouble in school. Not because I was a dummy, but I was always busy being the Jackson Heights clown. "

" I used to work over a bar. That was - there was no stage. I stood over a tiny bar. Louis Prima, rest his soul, he worked there. I was the guy that filled in when he was off the stage. "

" If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance. "

" I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat. "

" The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island. "

" If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day. "

" I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness. "

" When I was a younger guy doing comedy, it was a big struggle. Promoters canceled me out of clubs left and right when I called somebody a dummy or a yo-yo. Then they realized I was different. "

" Compared to what comics say today, I'm a monk, but in those days, it was unheard of to make fun of people like I did. Of course, they exaggerated how outrageous I really was. "

" You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it. "

" I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while, I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game. "

" I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke. "

" You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. "

" Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it. "

" Frank Sinatra. Hey, Frank, I saw you in 'The Pride and Passion,' and I want to tell you the cannon was wonderful! "

" I still have drive, but everything is relative. "

" An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth. "

" Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black. "

" I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid. "

" I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it. "

" The average person pushes an elevator button 6 or 7 minutes before realizing it's not working. I did a study on this, you know. "