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" I gained weight, and that started a 32-year struggle with weight and exercise and body image problems. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Body
Struggle
Exercise
Related Quotes:
" I have rage and anger issues. So I get mad about stuff in real life, and then I yell about it onstage, and luckily, something funny ends up coming out. What I'll do is tape-record it, and it will end up coming out even funnier. And I add more punch lines. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Life
Funny
End
" Howard Stern gave me the best advice about Twitter and the N word. He said maybe onstage people get the intention behind the joke, but a tweet is 140 characters or less, and maybe that's why people overreact. I don't need to rustle any more feathers and lose any investors. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Advice
Me
Lose
" The dog lasted. The marriage didn't. So it shows which relationship was meant to be. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Relationship
Dog
Marriage
" Mr. Trump, I really can't comment, because he was my boss on 'Celebrity Apprentice,' and I just don't think we should let him be president until he produces evidence that the thing on his head is real. Because he wanted to see Obama's birth certificate, we should ask for a certificate of real hair. "
Lisa Lampanelli
See
Boss
Hair
" I hate comics who look at comedy as therapy. But at least it gets things out of my system in a funny way. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Way
Hate
Funny
" I know Bea Arthur left the Pam Anderson roast really early, but it could have been because she was half dead; I don't know. "
Lisa Lampanelli
She
Left
Dead
" I was 25 myself once. I also thought I knew everything. I also thought that I could give singers singing advice and comics comedy advice. When you're that age, you know it all, so I understand it. But when you're tired and you don't have patience for it, you definitely snap. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Age
Patience
Tired
" I order food like a normal human being. If I'm out to lunch, I'm going to order three courses like everybody else. I'm not going to feel like some kind of freak. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Lunch
Three
Feel
" I can really serve the audience instead of making this about me and about serving myself and my pocketbook. "
Lisa Lampanelli
I Can
Serving
Audience
" We usually let our husbands negotiate the house and the cars. But I never had a husband, so I was always buying my own houses and cars, so I knew how to negotiate. "
Lisa Lampanelli
House
Always
How
" The thing is, in the dating profiles it says 'spiritual,' but not with a specific religion. And so I pretty much try to meditate, but I have a very hard time concentrating on things other than me. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Me
Dating
Time
" I looked around and couldn't believe no one has written a show about women and eating. It's the biggest issue women have. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Eating
Around
Believe
" I'm obsessed with reality TV anyway - I use my knowledge of that stuff to make jokes on Twitter and Facebook to get more people to sign up to be fans. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Jokes
Knowledge
People
" If they hate you, they hate you, but I've always been polarizing, and I love that. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Always
You
I Love
" I'm always proud of what I've done and what I continue to do. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Always
Continue
Done
" I'm not ready to die yet. I have, like, 40 years left that I have to make up for all of the trouble I caused in my first 50 years. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Trouble
Left
Like
" By being politically correct, you're closing your mind to a different point of view. Which sounds a lot like prejudice. Which is definitely not politically correct. See what I just did there? "
Lisa Lampanelli
You
View
Point Of View
" When you're dealing with a sick person, you're not important at all. You're just a nobody. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Nobody
Sick
You
" I do a big roast of Trump during my set now - which I clearly expanded on - because there's so much to make fun of him about now. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Now
Him
Fun
" Ticket sales will get higher the day after roasts. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Ticket
Day
Get
" What we do as comics can be a service to people. It can make them laugh and take their mind off their problems for a few minutes. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Laugh
Service
Problems
" That's the whole thing: You only roast the ones you love. That's why I never make fun of the French. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Never
Fun
Love
" Nobody escapes during Lisa Lampanelli's show. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Show
Nobody
Escapes
" Interesting-looking people have always been comedians, and it's rare that someone who has the choice to model ends up being a comic. Except for maybe Whitney Cummings, but that's about it. That's why she's special: because she can combine it. "
Lisa Lampanelli
She
Someone
Special
" I just really work hard on myself every day. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Day
Every Day
Myself
" I always order soup, dessert, and a sandwich or whatever main course. But then the idea is you have to eat such a small portion of it and bring the rest home. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Soup
Home
Dessert
" Every day, I wake up and ask, 'Am I hungry?' If I'm physically hungry, I eat something that's hopefully good for me, and then do it again in a few hours. If I get a phone call I don't like, I'll say to myself, 'Is that the reason I want to eat something?' If it is, I try not to do it. It's literally a lifestyle. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Wake Up
Me
Good
" I've really been working on the emotional and internal issues that made me eat in the first place. It's been a real journey. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Place
Real
Working
" I honestly feel like 99 percent of people have some kind of self-hate about their looks, and if I can joke about mine, maybe they can feel better about theirs. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Feel
Better
I Can
" I've never wanted to be a person where somebody would be like, 'I like her; she's okay.' Love or hate is fine, because it sells tickets. "
Lisa Lampanelli
Okay
Love
Hate