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" I like to argue with the radio. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Like
Radio
Argue
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" Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border. "
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Africa
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" I'm too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom's earring in his tongue, who combs his hair with Redi-Whip and has an Ani DiFranco tattoo on his shin, come show me how a computer works. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Tongue
Tough
Me
" Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Christmas
Save
Funny
" There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Women
World
Men
" My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Two
Family
Irish
" After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Yourself
Enjoy
Place
" Voting has proliferated in the United States, and it has reached a point where there is now almost one vote available per citizen over the age of eighteen. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Voting
Over
Age
" There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Point Of View
View
More
" Fascism is very much a mob movement. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Much
Fascism
Mob
" Cars let us out of the barn and, while they were at it, destroyed the American nuclear family. As anyone who has had an American nuclear family can tell you, this was a relief to all concerned. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Tell
Family
Barn
" For decades in America, there has been an effort to ensure that the rights of those who are not sane are the same as the rights of those who are. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Been
Effort
Rights
" Raining on parades requires no skill or effort on the part of a politician. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Skill
Effort
Part
" Our regulatory bodies strive to create honest dealings, fair trades, and a situation in which no one has an advantage over anyone else. But human beings aren't honest. And all trades are made because one person thinks he's getting the better of the other, and the other person thinks the same. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Create
Better
Human
" Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort. "
P. J. O'Rourke
God
Done
Way
" Call a man 'ignorant,' and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Wise
World
You
" Infant mortality and life expectancy are reasonable indicators of general well-being in a society. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Well-Being
Life
Reasonable
" America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being 'hegemonistic', of engaging in 'unilateralism', of behaving as if we're the only nation on earth that counts. We are. "
P. J. O'Rourke
America
Nation
Only
" Political leaders are expert at saying nothing. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Nothing
Political
Saying
" Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort of way: freedom to pursue our own self-interest; specialization, which he called division of labor; and freedom of trade. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Own
Three
Way
" Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent! "
P. J. O'Rourke
Parent
Someone
Pretty
" Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politics
Necessary Evil
Evil
" The difference between American parties is actually simple. Democrats are in favor of higher taxes to pay for greater spending, while Republicans are in favor of greater spending, for which the taxpayers will pay. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Democrats
American
Difference
" Northwest Ohio is flat. There isn't much up. The land is so flat that a child from Toledo is under the impression that the direction hills go is down. Sledding is done down from street level into creek beds and road cuts. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Road
Street
Go
" Rich people don't like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don't go in much for revolution or terrorism, either. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Ugly
People
Revolution
" Neither liberal nor conservative politicians can resist the temptation to stand as mighty sequoias of rectitude amid the lowly underbrush of fundraising. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Liberal
Stand
Temptation
" I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Never
Trade
People
" Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Flattery
Gossip
" In Hong Kong there is agglomeration beyond my fondest imaginings. The Kowloon district claims a population density four times that of New York City. "
P. J. O'Rourke
New York
Beyond
City
" I'm really tired of virtue. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Virtue
Really
Tired
" The good thing about SUVs is they have storage. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Thing
About
Good