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" If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production. "

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" America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few. "

" Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. "

" We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others. "

" In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing. "

" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "

" It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. "

" An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. "

" A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you. "

" We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business? "

" The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?' "

" Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. "

" Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. "

" What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds. "

" Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. "

" I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. "

" If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing. "

" When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states. "

" I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. "

" We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by. "

" Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. "

" Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week. "

" Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation. "

" Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. "

" If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics. "

" The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. "

" If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? "

" All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance. "

" Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even. "

" The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living. "

" Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. "