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" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "

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" Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it. "

" I'd love to become like Bill Murray, who was so funny on 'Saturday Night Live' and has gone on to do some of the landmark comedies people like. And then to add this whole other phase to his career with 'Lost in Translation' and 'Rushmore.' I always felt to be able to have something similar to that would be great. "

" What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes. "

" Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion. "

" Politics is applesauce. "

" Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? "

" It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. "

" Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. "

" Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. "

" I'm fascinated with the stories that we tell. Real histories become fantasies and fairy tales, morality tales and fables. There's something interesting and funny and perverse about the way fairytale sometimes passes for history, for truth. "

" I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. "

" My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. "

" This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die. "

" Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans. "

" Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. "

" Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore. "

" Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over. "

Nicole Holofcener

Having A Good Time

" There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. "

" The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. "

" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "

" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "

Henry Kissinger

" It's so funny how social media was just this fun thing, and now it's this monster that consumes so many millennial lives. "

" I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. "

" What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise. "

Jerome K. Jerome

" If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify. "

Seth MacFarlane

" The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. "

" I read part of it all the way through. "

" On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. "

" I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. "