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" There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. "

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" The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. "

" A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower. "

" Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause. "

" It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about. "

" A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one. "

" Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on. "

" Men are not punished for their sins, but by them. "

" Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble. "

" We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate. "

" No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. "

" The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing. "

" There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick. "

" There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it? "

" Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. "

" Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you. "

" When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money. "

" Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught. "

" The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening. "

" There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose. "

" If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation. "

" It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "

" Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. "

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" A loafer always has the correct time. "

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" A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. "

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" If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us. "

" The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more. "

The Hardest Thing