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" Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. "

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" Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs. "

" A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one. "

" Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. "

" It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it. "

" If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us. "

" Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper. "

" Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. "

" The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening. "

" Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home. "

" A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. "

" A loafer always has the correct time. "

" There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. "

" It's the good loser who finally loses out. "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed. "

" Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt. "

" There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose. "

" Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on. "

" When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money. "

" Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it. "

" Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count. "

" All the world loves a good loser. "

" The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. "

" Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. "

" Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. "

" A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower. "

" There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick. "

" Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you. "

" Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. "

" It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "