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" The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening. "

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" Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. "

" Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely. "

" The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. "

" The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. "

" Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it. "

" Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable. "

" No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. "

" The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more. "

The Hardest Thing

" All the world loves a good loser. "

" We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate. "

" A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one. "

" I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity. "

" Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best. "

" Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home. "

" Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper. "

" If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation. "

" It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. "

" Men are not punished for their sins, but by them. "

" It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about. "

" It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "

" Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. "

" Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. "

" A loafer always has the correct time. "

" If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us. "

" Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. "

" Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on. "

" The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing. "

" There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. "

" The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you. "

" If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. "