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" The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. "

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" The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you. "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed. "

" I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity. "

" The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. "

" Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family. "

" Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely. "

" Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count. "

" It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him. "

" Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. "

" There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick. "

" There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose. "

" It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about. "

" A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. "

" Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause. "

" If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation. "

" It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. "

" Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. "

" Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you. "

" Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. "

" A loafer always has the correct time. "

" Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. "

" Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. "

" There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. "

" Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught. "

" The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening. "

" There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it? "

" Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it. "

" Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid. "

" After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school. "

" It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "