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" Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt. "

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" It's the good loser who finally loses out. "

" Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. "

" Men are not punished for their sins, but by them. "

" Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience. "

" Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family. "

" Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid. "

" A loafer always has the correct time. "

" There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose. "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed. "

" Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable. "

" All the world loves a good loser. "

" After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school. "

" There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. "

" It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game. "

" If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. "

" Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on. "

" A good listener is usually thinking about something else. "

" The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing. "

" Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught. "

" As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith. "

" There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick. "

" Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. "

" The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more. "

The Hardest Thing

" Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs. "

" The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. "

" The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them. "

" The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you. "

" Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. "

" Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home. "