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" I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn't do. "

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" Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell. "

" What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters. "

" You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself. "

" But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. "

" Ask anyone who's successful how they got there, you're going to hear a different story. "

" It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers. "

" I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I'd come home, and my best friend and I would act out the films that we saw. "

" It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony. "

" I love Maya Rudolph. She's very multitalented herself. "

" Because of YouTube, I'm getting fan mail from 10-year-olds and teenagers and college kids. "

" Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief. "

" I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will. "

" I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper. "

" I was in California, and I was going to UCLA, and I knew I certainly didn't have movie star looks. I remember seeing pictures and photos of Ethel Merman and Mary Martin, who were kind of average looking. I said, 'Well, that's for me, then, to go back to New York and try to be in musical comedy on Broadway.' "

" In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door. "

" I'm into 'House of Cards.' 'Breaking Bad' - my God, did I binge on that! "

" My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I've never seen anybody better. "

" Because nobody goes through life without a scar. "

" I struggled for a while, but when I was cast in an Off Broadway show called 'Once Upon a Mattress,' that kind of put me on the map. "

" My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too. "

" Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up. "

" But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh. "

" You have to really want it, and don't take it personally if you don't get a job. Because sometimes you're not the type. And sometimes it's somebody else's turn. "

" I love audiences. "

" Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that. "

" I never felt cynical, and I never felt that I couldn't do what I wanted to do. "

" I eat very well, and I do Pilates. "

" We all get where we're going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted. "

" It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others. "

" I had it in my contract with CBS, a very weird clause that was never written before and certainly not since, that if I wanted to do a variety show within the first five years of the contract, CBS would have to put it on for 30 shows. "