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" Life is hard. After all, it kills you. "

Katharine Hepburn

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" Lana Turner was adorable and funny. Jimmy Stewart was such a nice person. I quickly realized that if you're not a nice person, you're not going to last in this business. I mean, once your box office starts to drop off, like Veronica Lake, they'll get rid of you fast. "

" I'm very, very amateur, which is funny because I'm not in the amateur leagues. "

" Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over. "

Nicole Holofcener

Having A Good Time

" I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people. "

" In my circle of friends, I've always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don't want the spotlight on me. "

" It's really irritating. Even people who like my work sometimes come up to me and say, 'I usually don't like female comedians, but your material is great!' It makes the job prospect more daunting. Funny is funny, you know? "

Chelsea Peretti

" I rant, therefore I am. "

" The avant-garde theater is fun; it is free-swinging, bold, iconoclastic, and often wildly, wildly funny. If you will approach it with childlike innocence - putting your standard responses aside, for they do not apply - if you will approach it on its own terms, I think you will be in for a liberating surprise. "

" It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life. "

" I started writing when I was 9 years old. I was like this weird kid who would just stay in my room, typing little funny magazines and drawing comic strips. "

" I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness. "

" I know that I'm going to die and that you're going to die. I can't do anything about that. But I can explore it through a metaphor and make a kind of funny, dark story about it, and in doing so, really exhaust and research as many aspects of it as I can imagine. And in a way, that does give me some closure. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Funny thing is that the poorer people are, the more generous they seem to be. "

" Being funny with a funny voice is more my comfort zone, a broader character that I try to humanize, a kind of silly or wacky persona that I try to fill in. "

" I'm attracted to women who are smart and funny and ambitious and have lives of their own and great families. Isn't that what attracts anyone? "

" Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. "

" I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. "

" Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble. "

" I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. "

" Plain women know more about men than beautiful women do. "

Katharine Hepburn

" I love fools' experiments. I am always making them. "

" You can't be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That's just hysterically funny. "

" I have really fond memories of growing up in Chicago, and I always love going back. I still have a lot of really good friends from high school that I go to dinner with. It's kind of become a tradition when I go out there to do a show to give a few friends a call, tell some funny stories about high school and walk down memory lane. "

" The funny thing is, I've never really hurt myself in an action movie. I've done 'Wanted,' 'X-Men,' 'Welcome To The Punch,' even 'Trance' to a certain extent has little bits of action and stuff, but I've never really hurt myself at all - not even like a sprained ankle. "

" But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone. "

Garry Shandling

" I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something. "

" Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It's a way of putting your arm around someone, pointing at something, and saying, 'Isn't it funny that we do that?' It's a way of reaching out. "

" After all is said and done, sit down. "

" I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. "

" I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary. "