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" You can't be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That's just hysterically funny. "

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" When I'm funny is when I'm angriest. "

" Oh yes, I love gadgets. "

" Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. "

" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "

" The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously. "

" It's funny: your happiness is contingent on a bigger picture besides just yourself. "

" When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.' "

" The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" There's one thing about baldness, it's neat. "

" Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing. "

" It is funny to me that because I can run, because I'm athletic, people tend to see that as my only asset. "

Colin Kaepernick

" When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. "

" We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity - romantic love and gunpowder. "

" What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? "

W. Clement Stone

" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "

" I always have a funny story at communion time that underscores that no one is perfect, and that communion is not for perfect people but for hungry people. "

" The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around. "

Thomas A. Edison

" Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. "

" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "

" I'm never afraid to try something if I think it's funny. And I know I'll regret it if I don't. "

Seann William Scott

" It seems like everybody's perception of me is very bipolar. To one group, it's overpaid, overrated; to another group, it's underpaid, underrated, underdog. It's funny to me because there's no real balance. "

" It's been very funny to try to act like an adult. Even getting dressed. Every day, I'm like, 'Should I wear a blazer and walk around with an umbrella? Do I carry a briefcase?' Because I'm trying to be some image of the adults I saw on TV growing up. "

" It's funny: I was a photographer before I was a programmer. "

" It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. "

Arthur C. Clarke

" Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage. "

" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "

" A rich man's joke is always funny. "

Thomas Edward Brown

" I'd love to become like Bill Murray, who was so funny on 'Saturday Night Live' and has gone on to do some of the landmark comedies people like. And then to add this whole other phase to his career with 'Lost in Translation' and 'Rushmore.' I always felt to be able to have something similar to that would be great. "

" I don't mean to be funny. "

" There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. "