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" I rant, therefore I am. "

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" I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious. "

" Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. "

Alexander Woollcott

" Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate bars, and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that, through a combination of Nutella, old pals and Barbra Streisand, we can achieve happiness and, very probably, world peace. "

" To me, wealth is the peace of mind you have, your family, your friends, your colleagues. Everything else is just money, and it really is funny how people pay so much attention to that. "

Ricardo Salinas Pliego

" As a comedian, I don't know if they're laughing because it's funny or if they're laughing at me because I'm not funny. And I'm thinking, 'Who cares? They're laughing.' If you go on stage, and they're laughing at you full-on for 60 minutes? You know, whatever puts them in the seats. "

Larry the Cable Guy

" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "

" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "

" I don't mean to be funny. "

" I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. "

Flannery O'Connor

" James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was. "

" I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem? "

Arnold Schwarzenegger

" When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. "

" I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. "

" Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. "

" Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "

" It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. "

Adlai E. Stevenson

" I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand. "

Leonardo DiCaprio

" We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it takes. "

" If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer. "

" I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained. "

" I think that certain things are funny and certain things are okay to make fun of - including myself. "

" I'm a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys - movie-star guys, where they could help me through it. "

" I read part of it all the way through. "

" I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" I can resist everything except temptation. "

" Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. "

Henry Kissinger

" I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don't really need a distinction between them. "

" Movies don't look hard, but figuring it out, getting the shape of it, getting everybody's character right and having it be funny, make sense and be romantic, it's creating a puzzle. Yes, having been a writer for so long, I have an awareness of when things are going awry, but it doesn't mean I know how to fix them. "

" In my circle of friends, I've always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don't want the spotlight on me. "